How to Work Through Difficult Times in a Relationship

In Advice Column, October 2017 by Jenna Davila

“I’ve been married for five years like you and have felt defeated many times. We share our kids with my husband’s ex and it can be very difficult. How do you just let go and trust that all will work out? You are so positive and I so appreciate the gift you freely give to us.”Diana, USA

Dear Diana,

Diana angel, please feel my wings around you. Thank you for your love and for sharing so vulnerably. I appreciate you!

Please know that in every relationship there are going to be high and low waves but what truly matters is how we respond to them. In addressing how to let go and trust in the process, you have to know yourself to the core of who you are. Know what you want and what you don’t want. You have to be clear, solid, balanced and grounded in your truth. The more we work on ourselves, the better all of the relationships in our lives become because we have a better understanding of what kind of energy we want to attract and how to stay composed when turbulence hits. Our commitment to personal growth, healing and self empowered confidence can greatly benefit the relationships we have. Being at peace with yourself will help you navigate this life with a new perspective of compassion and empathy.

Some helpful questions you can ask yourself in difficult times are, “Is this helping me, healing me or giving me the tools I need to expand my divine self?” Situations that make us uncomfortable (in your case, your husband’s ex) can be our greatest teachers if we allow them to be. Ask yourself, “What exactly is the challenge that I am facing? How does it make me feel? What does it mean to me? Where are these feelings/ emotions coming from? Are they coming from a place of fear or intuitive discernment?” Fear can paralyse a relationship and prevent it from moving forward and blossoming. Pay attention to your triggers and explore where they are stemming from. Are you trying to control a situation or a person’s behaviour/ action or are you focusing on yourself and your light? Trying to control anything other than yourself is fruitless adding a ton of unnecessary stress and depleting your energy. Trust in any relationship (especially the one with ourselves) is crucial. Without it, the foundation of the relationship will never be stable. I’d like you to really think about that and take that in. Is it possible for you to fully trust one another?

After you process your feelings and emotions, take the time to have an open conversation with your husband. Communication and expression in any relationship are so vital. Do this at a time when you can both be calm, collective, relaxed and present with one another. You can go out in nature, be at home, light some candles or diffuse some essential oils; any environment you feel like you will both be most at peace in. Make sure you are both making eye contact and really listening to each other. Speak from the heart with honesty, vulnerability and let go of any fear. Remember, everyone’s feelings are real and valid. Try not to interrupt, be dismissive, pass judgement or point fingers. Everyone involved needs to take self responsibility. You also want to try your best to be an active listener and ask questions with sincerity to get a better understanding of where your husband is coming from. Try to stay present with each other as much as possible throughout your day. Get off the phones, social media, turn off the TV and allow yourselves to just be with one another whenever you are together. You’ll connect through the cosmic mind and rediscover all the reasons why you choose to vow yourself to this person. If both parties can commit and dedicate themselves to transforming in this way, things will turn into gold!

A healthy relationship is about growing together. It is so important that you have these moments with one another to regroup and be on the same page. Any time a person is stagnant or resistant to change it only hinders their ability to evolve. Any challenges that come up and threaten your foundation will reveal the truth of how your relationship will stand the test of time. Working through things in a healthy way will only strengthen and propel the relationship forward. It is love, sincerity, availability and your willingness to be open that will promote each other to a higher state of consciousness. It will allow you to fall deeper in love with not only each other but with yourself. Try to focus on all the positive, not negative qualities and aspects (this is completely different if your partner is in any way shape or form emotionally, mentality or physically abusive and/ or degrading) your love possesses. Where you place your focus will grow into your manifested reality so be mindful. If all you are doing is focusing on the negative, you will only see that and you will miss out on all the great things your partner is actually offering you. Appreciation is huge!

It’s also very important to allow each other to be authentic. If there is something you want to do in your life that is going to bring you bliss or connection, make sure you are with someone who allows you to be you! Someone who encourages you to live your passion and supports your way of life. You don’t have to always have the same interests or do the same things but be with someone who understands and respects that you are your own person of light! Don’t allow anyone to dim the love that your heart radiates. My advice to anyone looking to have a healthy, happy and loving relationship of any kind is to remember that we are here to have fun, to share energy, to love, to create, to express ourselves without judgment, to feel safe on all levels, to be free to make our own choices, to be authentic to our Divine selves no matter what.

Of course, you will experience challenging situations but keep yourself secure in your love, your truth and knowing that whatever is happening is temporary and will pass. Anything you go through is there to help you see what needs to be transmuted in order to make space for the new. Don’t allow fear, worry or doubts to consume you. Accept the situation for what it is and move on. Our experiences do not define who we are to our core. They are our teachers and help us thrive to our highest potential if we surrender. Many blessings sweetheart!

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Disclaimer: The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This column, its author and the website are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.

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Every month, Jenna Davila answers questions regarding physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being on the Live Pure website.  You can submit your questions for next month’s column here!

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